i always hated questions they ask on job interviews. "what would you say is your strongest attribute?" "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" "what is your weakness that needs improvement?" "have you ever disagreed with a supervisor?"

that last question made me laugh, because YES i have disagreed with a supervisor because she was a no-good lying whore. i may have mentioned her on this blog, but the details were left out because i feared my job would be in danger. now that i have no job, i've got nothing to lose.

first of all, she was a manager in charge of all of the art instructors. it was her responsibility to train them, substitute when someone couldn't make it to a class, provide materials, sign timecards, and sell the program to new schools. she failed in every aspect, and with a sour look on her face while doing it. she received a call from an art instructor who suddenly fell ill and couldn't make it to her class. the manager's response was, "i would make it out there myself, but my hand is asleep." that wasn't a typo. once when the manager called in sick, she asked this same art instructor to go to a meeting for her and sell the program in her absence. another time when the manager was sick for 3 days in a row, i helped some of the other art instructors who needed it and she flipped out and started crying, saying i was a back-stabber.

do you want to know more? oh, it gets better. the one and only time she actually did substitute for an art instructor, she only covered the first 2 hours and made the instructor drive across town to catch the last hour because she didn't feel like doing all 3 hours herself. the teacher whose class she was in (the regular school teacher) complained that she was unprepared and couldn't control the classroom. in a meeting with the executive director, she lied about making changes to a test that i was disputing. she insisted i had the wrong version of the test and suggested that i missed the meeting where she gave ALL the art instructors copies of the updated version. i asked her for a copy of this updated version and she said no. twice! i asked the other art instructors if they had an updated version and they didn't. then i got in trouble for calling her a liar.

she never trained the new art instructors. they were sent into the classroom with zero training! no talking about the projects beforehand, no preparation for set-up or clean-up, no classroom management ideas - nothing. when we all told her this was why instructors were quitting, she was defensive, saying that she was soooo comfortable in the classroom that she assumed all of us were too. she also assumed that anyone with half a brain could read the lessons on paper and be able to teach the projects without help. after all of us told her in a meeting that we DO need help, she started crying.

the worst thing she did was change the tests in the first place. there were questions on the test that had nothing to do with what we taught in class. she was ok with this, explaining that those things that they don't know yet will be taught to them next year. so it's a good thing for kids to get low test scores because she planned to explain to school officials that their scores are low now, but when we come back next year, they will improve. ok, what school likes low test scores? what school would want us back the next year when their students didn't pass? what kind of teacher would give questions to students that would confuse them and make them feel like they should know the answer?

we had a display wall in the best place we could possibly have it- the office of education. how many teachers and educators go through that building? how many of them would see the museum's successful programs? a whoooole lot, and it had sat there for years. old art projects were in sad frames, the vinyl letters were peeling off of the walls. "resno Art Museum," it read. i told her it needed to be fixed and if she wanted me to do it, i'd be happy to. she basically told me to go away because she already knew about it. why would you know about this shitty wall space and not want to fix it? it was a golden wall! her excuse was that it costs money. not if you have the frames and the art ready to hang. it doesn't cost money to take down old stuff! "it most certainly does cost money," she told me, "because if we damage the walls, we will have to pay for it." number one, we won't damage the walls. number two, it was an art museum!! doesn't she know that there is plenty of spackle lying around?? 4 of us fixed it and it looked fantastic in the end, no thanks to her and her bad attitude.

i challenged her personally and also in front of the executive director. he did nothing to solve the problems and even defended her. "well, you don't know why she doesn't substitute," he said to me. "you're right, i don't know why, but it is on her job description."

and she had me written up for not respecting her.

i guess i just need to write all of this crap out to get it off my chest for good. this is my way of burying it and not complaining about it anymore. the quesiton in the interview sparked that whole chain of memories, which i used to replay in my head at night and wake up angry because my supervisor was a useless wench with a bad attitude. and i'm not afraid of what people say because hardly anyone reads this blog anyway, and it's more of a matter of getting it off my back and like i said, burying it. it's been bothering me too much and yeah, i know i sound like a complainer and unprofessional but it really did affect me. on weekends, i couldn't relax because i had her ugly attitude in my mind.

karma is a boomerang, though, because on her wedding day, during her first dance with her new slave husband, she fell on her ass in front of everyone.

i was in a parade yesterday with my dad and his crew of woodie enthusiasts. it was a veteran's day parade, so we drove down K street along with the marines, marching bands, car clubs, sheriffs, the army, a tank, the A&W bear, majorettes and baton twirlers. i used to scoff at people who weren't in costume when i would see parades, so i figured i would spice it up at least a little bit by wearing a blond wig while i waved from inside of the car. i decided to wear it for the remainder of the day, thinking about what my new identity's name would be. barbara? ashley? blonderella? i finally settled on benjamina. why?

after the parade, i went to pam's to hang out with her and her husband and almost 3-year-old, neptune. i wondered if he would recognize me with a wig, and sure enough he did without acting funny or pointing out that i looked different. i was wearing long shorts (heh heh) with knee-high boots. under the boots, i wore knee socks so that the boots wouldn't chafe. later on that night, we wanted to go for a walk, but i didn't want to wear my boots because i knew we'd be out for an hour or so. pam offered me her sketchers to wear, so i wore them with my knee highs, which went up to my long shorts. anywho, we were out walking and i couldn't help but feel that i had a forefathers look going on. i had a blond wig, glasses, knee highs, and knickers. all i needed was a kite, and i was benjamin franklin, only female, which made me benjamina (pronounced "ven-HA-mee-nah").

also while we were walking along the trail, i heard something and got scared and turned around. pam says she saw me turn so quickly, that my head did a triple-take while my wig stayed facing forward. it was only a jogger from behind us. d'oh!

i've been trying to stay busy every day, applying for jobs, filling in at the shop, reading. i finished midnight in the garden of good and evil this morning, and i'm looking for another book to start.

i applied for one job in particular that sounds awesome, and i got a response saying i was qualified, and to click the link below to verify that i was still interested, but i got a "page not found" when i clicked it. i tried 2 other ways to contact them, but haven't heard a word. i'm continuing to hold my breath. i was thinking of applying for a seasonal job, maybe at the mall. god, i hate the mall during the holidays, but i gotta do something.

i bought a laptop today, using a new account at best buy, which will allow me to finance it with no interest for over a year. i hate putting myself deeper in the hole, and i had gone there thinking i'd get the cheapest one and nothing else, but then i upgraded a bit and found one that really feels nice and has everything i need. i plan to use it frequently in my job and housing searches. i feel guilty using it. i felt buyer's remorse as i left the store. i shouldn't be adding to my debt, but then again, if this will help me get out of it... eh, i'm already screwed, so why not? i spent 2 hours at the store, talking to every salesperson there and texting my computer expert brother while typing "it's like unraveling a cable knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting..." in wordpad to get a feel for the keyboards. i finally left with a toshiba.

crappy halloween.

i had to cancel my road trip plans because there is yet another hold placed on my unemployment checks. but i am grateful for parents who let me stay with them and also work at the shop temporarily. in addition to that, i have two teachers who want me to teach in their classrooms, so i'm at least earning something.

it's been a day and i miss erik already.

...heartbroken...

i got the phone that i've been eyeing for $40 less by getting it at radio shack instead of my carrier's store. not bad!

we've been super busy moving and packing. sunday is officially "D-day."

not looking forward to it at all.

trying to keep my composure is the hardest thing to do right now. i'm packing, then stopping to get ahold of myself, then running off to san francisco, then back to the house to cry again.

i just can't stand that i keep going through these cycles - no money, no job, no home.

i wish i could be more optimistic, because i'm the one who's making these big changes, but it's hard to when i just feel so lost.

i need to hit the "reset" button and stop trying to be a rabbit and be more of a tortoise.

huge changes are coming, once again. i won't be in fresno too much longer.

details will come soon.

it's not even 3:00 and i've been PRODUCTIVE today! i listed two new items on etsy, made a post on my cheapskates blog, took some photos for a book i'm illustrating, and made a few errands, all without checking facebook even once. what's with me today?

it's been a horrible week. things hadn't been going well at the museum - enforced monday and tuesday furloughs, the board making ridiculous decisions, including cuttng any program that's not funded by a grant. that includes school tours, art camp, family day, and teaching art lessons in the classroom. so basically, EVERYTHING that i do was taken away. kim had been on vacation for 2 weeks, and the day she left, i kind of felt our department coming to an end.

last wednesday was kim's first day back after her vacation, and erika was let go. she's *such* a hard worker, who juggled more than her fair share of the workload and had just gotten out of a meeting with a partner organization, establishing what her duties would be for an upcoming program. immediately after making plans, she was terminated. our only groundskeeper/maintenance man was let go. a dear person from curatorial was interrupted as she was putting together the current exhibit was asked to pack up. and i was asked to go too.

none of us had any time to wrap up what we had been working on. we all took our final checks, signed a paper, and left for good. i had saved some email addresses from parents of my students, and later bid them farewell and encouraged them to make sure their kids kept being creative.

what pisses me off is that now they are discussing keeping two of my programs alive, even though they aren't funded by a grant. they are also looking into getting a budget crisis team to actually *help* the museum, as opposed to making more cuts. they also reinstated working mondays and tuesdays. i had been there for exactly one year.

it was posted on the fresnobeehive.com and there's a link if you missed the original front-page story. lots of comments posted.

The Closet

The Closet
Originally uploaded by joda36

nerding out at comic-con

...some people we spotted: thurup van orman (creator of the misadventures of flapjack), TIM BURTON, henry selick (director of nightmare before christmas and coraline), stan lee, and if you like celebrities, i guess i saw eva longoria, elijah wood, and jennifer connelly. but did you get that we saw TIM BURTON!?

what sucks about these group discussions, though, is that the quality of the forum depends on the quality of the questions that fans ask. there were too many people getting up and saying, "ummm my mom really likes your show..." or -god, i hate this - "i'm an aspiring animator. what advice do you have for me?"

you'll see in the photos that there were some fans at the flapjack toys table who wanted erik's autograph on their luggage tags and/or toys. he's a little celebrity!

of course, we had to meet up with mike and all the bears, who are a total gas! we drove around SD in a convertible shouting along to the muppets songs. doesn't get any gayer.

we attended a screening of the documentary called scribble.08, where we saw some great artwork and talked briefly to tim biskup!

i felt that it was important to make a public statement about our cuts at the museum. not only are we reduced to only working 3 days a week, but our dental and life insurance has been cut. the board is also talking about making more layoffs.

this was on the front page of the fresno bee yesterday:

Fresno Art Museum cuts jobs, hours

you know, with all this talk about health insurance, i have to wonder if they are going to do anything about how much doctors and hospitals CHARGE. sure, there are arguments about how much of the bill insurance will or will not cover, but what if hospitals only charge $300 for stitches instead of $3,000?

a new art camp started last week, and my students took a little while to warm up to each other, but now they are really casual and talkative. one boy in my class (i'll call him dale), is a home-schooled snarky kid who, on the second day of class, put red paint on his neck while carrying a piece of glass and made me do a double take. he's somewhere between the class clown and the cool guy on campus, and he knows it. it's pretty obvious that a girl likes this boy (we'll call her amanda) because she'll stretch her never-shaven legs out next to him, blurts out irrelevant things, and always likes his art the best. i swear it's like i'm reliving my pre-teen years all over again.

this week, however, we throw into the mix a new girl, who is heavy competition. she's the bossy type of girl who has 7 ponies, plans to drive a red convertible when she's 16, and tells her friends what they should do and how they should feel. she's a rule-breaker not to be rebellious, but to make the teacher question the rules after a convincing proposal in a baby voice and batting some eyelashes. whatever, kid.

so needless to say, amanda keeps her distance from (ashley) because she's been interfering with her scheme to get dale's attention. but ashley has been laying on the charm pretty thick, bragging about this or that. then one day, her mom will bring snacks for the class, and the next day, the other girl's mom will bring better snacks for the class. the next day, one is sitting next to his usual seat and the following day, they are both sitting next to his usual seat. comments are getting more snide and more personal as each day goes by:

"why do you always have to be out of your seat?"
"why do you bring your backpack every day?
"why are you talking to dale?"
"how come your shirt has a hole?"

i've been very sympathetic toward the awkwardness and watching attempts for attention fail horribly. in a few years, i'd say dale would be more into amanda than ashley, only because he will have made out with ashley and realize that ashley is a fraud. deep down, he prefers brains over silly lip gloss any day.

IT'S FREE SLURPEE DAY!

here are some photos of the photography lesson that I taught back in May. We used Sunprint paper to make prints out in the sculpture garden. First, they used leaves and flowers and found objects; then they drew their own designs onto transparencies; and finally, they cut out used negatives from the Fresno Bee to add photos and words. They taped them onto transparencies and created their own collages, which were printed out in the sun. So basically, we did photography without cameras, film, chemicals, or a darkroom. My students did so great!

we've started summer camp, and so far, our returning animation camp students are having a really good time filming and using the computer lab at F.C.O.E. to edit their movies and add sound effects. we were really fortunate to be able to use their computers and teach our students editing, transitions, and recording sound. the last day is thursday, and i can't wait to see their finished movies!

next camp is printmaking, and after that is experimental portraiture. i have some really awesome lessons for those classes, definitely. can't wait!

we've already had 4 successful Saturday classes (photos will come soon) in photography, collage, pop-up journals, and comic books. This weekend will be a fashion class, which i'm still researching. i'm also planning advanced animation, printmaking, and the final class we came up with is experimental portraiture. i'll be teaching every day for 6 weeks straight this summer! note to self: next year, don't schedule 2-week sessions back to back. try one week per subject, dummy! actually, i'll be gone for 3 days cuz *this girl* is going to COMIC-CON this year!! ooow ow ow!

at one point, i was teaching at 4 schools per week, and now i'm down to one, and it will be over by next wednesday. my first graders gave me thank-you letters on their last day. they were so sweet!

i'm learning to let certain grudges go and i'm making an effort to stop nursing bad thoughts. i have so much to enjoy at my job, and it's not worth ruining because of something so L-to-the-A-M-E.

e and i saw mad sin a couple weeks ago at a club within walking distance. how perfect! they were super flippin awesome! i miss going to shows often, like i did in san jose. it's always been one of my favorite things to do, especially when i know a majority of the songs.

i'm watching the fashion show, but i'm not impressed with the designers. the one person i was looking forward to seeing isn't on anymore. i thought she looked like rainbow bright.

last night was our one and only art show for our art students. it was really fun to see the kids walk through the library where their art was hanging and show their parents what they made. one of the teachers came up to me and gave me some flowers and told me how much her students loved their lessons. how sweet!

this is why you're fat.

i was editing my animation camp rock video, and i couldn't help but LOVE this clip. i was soooooo tempted to include it in the rock video, but ultimately, my conscience said i better not. ok, not really my conscience. more like the guy's mom in the back of my mind.

i finally took the steps needed to get my knee taken care of. in retrospect, i should have had my first specialist do the procedure before quitting my job at the bee, but noooooo. i waited on it and now i have to deal with kaiser doctors. blech. i spent the afternoon in a hospital gown getting my knee x-rayed again and starting from scratch. i suppose i just gotta do what i gotta do.

last week was a bitter-sweet one at work, starting with horrible news that one of our staff has been diagnosed with breast cancer. within 3 weeks of learning this, she will need a mastectomy. she has a very positive attitude toward the situation, which i admire. it's difficult to make sure she knows i care about her but at the same time, i want her to have some normalcy at work.

after learning about that, we got the message that we are going to receive a very large grant to implement cell phone and headset tours at the museum. this is definitely a huge improvement, since a lot of our visitors are spanish-speaking or hmong-speaking. of course, it will be A LOT of work getting it up and running. one more thing to add to the ever-expanding list.

i mentioned before that i was in trouble, and yes, i did get a talking-to about that. but it also brought up even more problems with the program that i am disgusted with. a certain person thinks it would be a good thing for our students to get bad scores on their tests so that she can show school officials that there is still more for us to teach them. her logic is that if the kids all score 100% then our jobs will be done, we would have taught them everything they needed to know, and won't be needed the following year. so the solution is to rig the tests? ask them questions that don't relate to the lessons we taught? are you kidding me? By putting questions on the tests that don't relate to the lessons, it makes the art instructors look like they aren't doing their jobs, it confuses the students, and makes the museum look like we can't deliver what we promised.

I've talked to her about these potential problems, and she just barks back at me. Why doesn't she see how the program works?? She's fighting me on it. sheesh!

this weekend marked the beginning of SUMMER! we don't have spring here in central california, so we jumped from having 4 blankets on our bed one night, to only a sheet the next night. yesterday i slathered on sunscreen, hosed off the patio furniture, dusted off the grill, we had a couple of brewskies, and barbequed last night. here we go...

we had a pot luck yesterday, so i brought in 7-layer dip. when i handed it to one of the little old members of the museum's women's league, she said it was a pot luck for THEM to bring an assortment of food to US, the staff. oh, is that why there was every type of salad on the table? tossed salad, pasta salad, ambrosia salad, 40-bean salad... every flavorless type of tossed food possible. i thought i was in a relief society meeting.

they were so sweet, and actually requested to see the movies that our winter camp students made last january. i set up the t.v. and showed the animations and talked about our programs that we're working on.

kim and i ran ourselves to the ground last week with another round of animation camp. we had two classes every day last week, back to back. we saw a lot of creativity but we also had a lot of crybabies. every day someone's feelings were hurt and we had to give them a pep talk. i've never been so drained in my life! but i'm glad i'm a part of the program and that we didn't offer a boring or cliche class like sculpture.

hilarious! i don't know what's funnier:

kenley throwing a cat and apples
her getting arrested
her name almost being KENLEY PENLEY
her claim that she gently tossed her cat

been sick for a week. barely getting over it.

erik rushed jay to the emergency room last night after cutting his finger pretty bad. didn't see them for 5 hours.

tomorrow is a big giant fancy dinner/event at the museum and i get to help people find their tables and smile.

i'm in trouble at work. i refused to administer a test to my first graders that was waaaay too hard for them. the annoying one i work with whined to the boss and now he wants to speak to me. not looking forward to going back to work next week.

more layoffs at the bee, plus everyone got demoted and/or a pay cut. erik says he sees his coworkers now wearing "visitor" badges. my old department which once had about 8 people doing various things is now down to two.

happy birfday mommy! mom, dad, liz, erik, and i had a lovely afternoon looking at the FAM exhibit, having slow-cooked pulled pork sammiches, and a cute wittle chocolate cake with stars.

the FAM was on KSEE 24!

what i love about my job:

coming home with paint in my fingernails
finding a lost crayon in my pocket
seeing ideas that go through a kid's mind drawn out on paper
getting drawings that say "to art teacher you are nice so nice"
giving kids cleaning up assignments
hearing them recite the elements of art that i taught them
making lesson plans for modern and relevant art projects
giving tours to kids who have never been to a museum before
teaching about animation and movies
mixing paint colors
unclogging glue bottles
counting scissors
trying out a project before the lesson is taught
hearing parents say how much they appreciate art classes being available to their kids
parents asking when the next class will be
awarding scholarships
giving out certificates
first graders
collaborating with other art instructors, tour guides, and kim
opening night for a new exhibit and talking to the artists
watching the curatorial department hang the art and title cards
looking down the hallway at the office and seeing GOOD art
seeing art come in from the community during auctions and local artist shows
leftover hors d'oevres after an event
announcing to a class that we'll be painting today
lunch in the sculpture garden
...i felt the need to focus on the positive, rather than who is giving me an ulcer

THE MUPPETS WILL BE ON DISPLAY IN FRESNO!!

there are several reasons why someone can't sub for a teacher. you have an important meeting, you are already teaching somewhere else, or maybe you are sick. i've heard some lame excuses, but this one tops them all: my hand is asleep. if you guessed a manager would never give such a lame excuse, you're wrong!

we have a new exhibition at the museum, and i have another artist to add to my list of favorites. kathryn kain spoke at the opening last night for a few minutes and did a little Q & A. after taking a beginning printmaking class, i really appreciate the time and skill that is involved in her process. she draws on the paper and adds layers of thin ink which gradually build up by making multiple passes through the press. she also adds found imagery and text which gives her prints a unique hand drawn collaged look.

there's another artist named aung aung taik who mixes computer parts with fish heads, and combines bones from different animals to create believable scientific samples of curious non-existent species.

robert ogata is showing in four of our galleries. three of them feature his large scale paintings and some ceramics, and in another gallery are his drawings based on his experience living in a relocation camp with his family during WWII. he's a very well-known local artist and is very generous and smart.

come to the fresno art museum and see it all!